my first letter! :D

Dear Anders Landers,

My best friend and I have known each other since we were very young. There's one big difference between us. Her family has a lot of money -- mine doesn't.

Christmas is fast approaching, and I still have no idea what to get her. What do you give the girl who has everything and still stay within a tight budget? Please help me. I hate to once again give a cheap gift to such a close friend.

-- POOR IN NEW JERSEY

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Dear PINJ,

You sound so sweet-- yet so frail ;(. My least unsound advice would be to give a gift that subversively illuminates the financial chasm between the two of your families. Let me explain--

As I sit here at my broad, woody desk, wrapped in the unblanketable cold of your plight, I envision you as a character from the 1992 film Newsies. I like picturing you this way because I think that this movie should be your gift to Richy Richina, and here's why: it's old, and therefore inexpensive and unavailable on Blu-ray; it takes place near New Jersey, which is where you, and presumably your better-donned pal, live; and its cast of characters (including a young and supremely bonable Christian Bale, plus the guy-kid from Big [who since very well may have fallen into a figurative or unfigurative chasm of his own :\]) very lovably illustrates (dancing!) the view from your spirited but comparatively sucky vista.

Otherwise, I guess I'd probably look for a The Nice Price version of one of the first two Springsteen albums (I'm partial to The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle), or just lie and pass off some piece of junk you find on the boardwalk as some relic from Jersey/Springsteen/Kevin Smith lore-- just try putting it on an unbloodied piece of particle board (a plaque) or something!

(You might also consider hunting down Rob Lowe before Christmas, as I understand a case of yuletide guilt has got him trading cash for a good sob story at a department store near you.)

In any case, m'best, dear one! Happy Hole-in-yer-socks-idays! ;) ;)

Anders Landers

se2ond

i've never considered minimizing menopause symptoms. at least i hadn't, (as he stuffed himself full of another bite.),,

and i just never get sick of that hanson christmas album; or that harry connick jr. one that my brother would get out in october.

i'm sorry i've been neglecting you, my readership, but it seems i've lacked inspiration (take that as you might).

i totally lost my concentration there.

so,,,

this is my blog.

so i've sorta been waiting to post anything until i determined the visual element of the blog, but then i decided i could not design this aspect without first knowing its soul. this had come up:

hot dog:pimp steak::cat's asshole:hot dog (the same revelation! or, perhaps further: hot dog:pimp steak:cat's asshole:hot dog(!); i never realized...)

anyway, something like that-- in thinking with the blog's suitably clever name (thanks, adam), i'd like to offer my advice. and talk shit. and observe.

this could be a bad or disappointing idea, but i'm feeling pretty up for it-- i mean, what the hell, right? sheeeee-it.

any questions?